Red Bull Gives Renesmee Wings
by DixieMae
Summary: Jacob's favorite energy drink causes a mishap with the youngest Cullen... lot's of family fluff and cuteness, tiny amount of language, Edward POV. Please review!


A/N: So on my last Twilight fic Nessie's Other Love I got pretty good feedback (which you should definitely check out if you haven't done so yet), and I just can't resist writing another. I kind of feel like I'm cheating on a couple of my HP and CSI Miami stories I should be updating but here I stand. Anyways, this is supposed to be slightly humorous, it may or may not be. I guess you'll just have to review to let me know!

Um yeah I don't own Twilight saga or Red Bull or anything affiliated with either. Go figure.

…

The Cullen household was a pleasant place to be on a calm, rainy afternoon such as today. It was a bit chilly outside, with a brisk wind blowing the tips of the towering evergreens, and the pattering of rain mixing with the calming melody floating from the piano where I sat. Had we been human, it would have been a perfectly cozy setting; one that made you want to curl up on the couch with a fuzzy blanket, dim lights, and a favorite, wonderfully nostalgic book that probably smells old and comfortable.

But, alas, we were vampires. Honestly, this was a moment I wish I could enjoy as a human, where I could really experience that warm, homey feeling without feeling ice cold at the same time. It was always a very strange paradox that occurred inside me when the feeling sprung up every now and then.

I tried not to brood on the thoughts much longer (apparently I brood too much?) and shifted my focus back to my long fingers flying across the ivory keys of the grand piano, situated about four feet from where Bella lounged on the couch. The occupants of the couch were proving to be a rather amusing sight. Bella's feet, the parts of her closest to me, were crossed at the ankles on the armrest, and she had her head rested on a pillow in Emmett's lap. Emmett himself was playing Xbox very enthusiastically, squirming and writhing in his place on the supple leather cushions like a child. Next to him sat Esme, eyeing him with amusement and exasperation at his child-like antics. Bella, however, gave him a look every time he shifted.

I allowed myself a little chuckle. I had witnessed this scene so many times over the past few months, it never bothered me (or Rose, for that matter) much anymore. Bella and Emmett had always had a very healthy brother-sister relationship that rivaled even that of mine and Alice's.

My thoughts still weren't very concentrated on the keys, and I hadn't even realized I had started to play the Mario Bros. theme song. I sighed to myself. Emmett and Renesmee had played more Mario games in the past two months than most kids do in their entire childhood. Esme's amused glance shifted towards me now as she caught on to the renowned tune.

_In a good mood today, Edward? Or just distracted?_

I smiled, continuing the somewhat pleasant melody. "Both," I reasoned. "Not in a troubling way," I added, sensing her next inquiry. "Just thinking to myself for once."

"Mario!"

The relatively calm atmosphere of the living area was shattered by the arrival of Nessie. I couldn't help but smile. She was a little over ten months old, but she was already in the four-year old phase as far as appearance and mannerisms. As brilliant as she was, she was still a baby. My baby.

I was glad Jacob wasn't here yet, as he was on patrol as a wolf right now. He always caught these sentimental moments when I was thinking about Nessie growing up and eventually leaving me one day. Depending on his mood, he could be sympathetic and even, on occasion, guilty, for being the one to take her away from me. If we were bickering, or he was just cranky due to lack of sleep or food, it was a different story. More than anything, it was so nice to be able to really breathe, both in the figurative and physical sense. But what could I do? Nessie, unfortunately, adored him as much as he did her.

Nessie zoomed down the stairs and climbed onto the stool next to me. She had been literally getting "dolled up" by Alice and Rosalie for a while now. Renesmee loved it, though, and as long as she wasn't bothered by it, I didn't care. The end result was usually worth whatever they went through to keep her still; today was no exception. Nessie had been prone to wanting to pick out her own outfits lately, and while none of them were that crazy, Alice still couldn't help herself when it came to dressing my daughter like she was a Barbie. Today she wore a black long-sleeved cashmere sweater and one of her favorite skirts, a poufy little black tutu number over a pair tights, black in the background and all sorts of colored flowers printed on them. A small section from the front of her long copper ringlets, which barely touched the small of her back, was pulled on top of her head in a half-up-do with a massive turquoise bow. My daughter was simultaneously the most gorgeous and adorable little girl I have ever seen in my hundred-and-some-odd years.

Nessie stood on the piano stool and wrapped her tiny arms around my neck as she kissed the closest thing to her lips – my cheek. "Play it again, Daddy," she giggled, her curls bouncing as she bobbed her knees impatiently. She pressed her little hand to my cheek now, showing me a picture of the iconic dark-haired plumber. Her thoughts were dark for a moment, and then she gasped and showed me a picture of another one of her favorite people. I couldn't stop the peal of laughter that escaped me when I saw the connection.

"What is it?" Bella, Emmett (who had just been shot down by some kid with a remarkably dumb screen name), Esme, and Jasper all questioned at once. I rolled my eyes playfully but still couldn't stop the laughter. It's not like it was really that amusing, she just never ceased to amaze me with her thoughts. I saw Alice and Rose peek from the top of the stairwell, curiosity piqued by what their niece had said _this_ time.

"She thinks Charlie looks like Mario," I explained, hugging Nessie to me for a second before she hopped down and went to snuggle with Bella. "You know, dark hair, moustache. I can see how she sees the resemblance."

The room laughed with me for a bit. Everyone was just as intrigued as I was at her real age-to-physical/mental age ratio. At ten months old it would be hard for a baby to register the resemblance between a cartoon and her grandfather. For a four-year-old, however, it wasn't entirely impossible. There was still the added factor that she could read and speak perfect English, and as much as it scared me, a little bit of Spanish, courtesy of Jasper. Not that I couldn't teach her Spanish, but Jasper insisted, and so I let him; he did grow up around it, after all.

Nessie had a certain bond with each member of the family. It bothered me more sometimes than others. Sometimes I just wanted her to myself and Bella, to be our own little family, but at the same time I wanted her to have that big, comfortable family I never had. I had the stray cousin or two, but she had two loving sets of grandparents, two aunts, and two uncles who would do anything for her. It would be so incredibly selfish of me to take that away from her.

After saying hello to her mother, Nessie skipped happily to Jasper and jumped flawlessly into his awaiting lap. She sat and curled into his chest. I noted with satisfaction that she didn't curl into him like she did me; she practically _burrowed_ into me. She just liked to snuggle, really. "I'm thirsty, Uncle Jazz."

Jasper pressed a loving kiss to her temple. "Do you want to go hunting, cowgirl?" he asked her, smoothing down her already flawless hair with a light touch.

"No," said Nessie brightly, smiling at his pet name for her. She reached up to touch her uncle's neck and I read his thoughts to see she wanted a human drink. My breath caught slightly and I glanced at Bella, who had apparently concluded what I already knew. She had the same slightly panicky expression on her face as I was sure was on mine. According to the pattern Carlisle was sure he had found, her appetite for human food grew as she got closer to a larger growth spurt. I practically wanted to cry at the thought of my little girl getting bigger, older, and wiser. It made sense, though, as it was only about two months away from her first birthday.

I shuddered at the thought that she was going to be one year old and went back to playing her request, the simple tune merely keeping my hands busy from not picking up the phone and dialing Carlisle at the hospital. I sighed and heard Bella do the same, turning on her side now and watching Emmett start a new level on whatever game he was playing. From what I remember the day that he and Jacob were playing, they called it COD. Call me old fashioned, but I had no idea what that even meant.

Jasper kept his thoughts characteristically neutral as he carried Nessie into the kitchen to find something to drink. I tried not to pay any attention either to the sounds coming from the rarely used room or to Nessie's thoughts, engrossing myself into the piano keys below my fingertips. I vaguely heard the refrigerator door open and close when I was on round two and a half of Mario. To keep the sounds at bay I even pressed on the sostenuto, so all the notes blended together to create one big blur of sound that only remotely sounded like Mario now.

Needless to say I was glad Jasper had the sense to let her drink in the kitchen and not in here.

By round four of Mario I began to let my mind wander again. Renesmee was the epitome of the "terrible twos"; she seemed to be making up for the lost opportunity to act her age when we were all so stressed with the Volturi situation. Still, I never thought my child would be such a... little brat at times. During each one of her tantrums I realized I was the same parent I had always criticized throughout my existence as a sane vampire. I was in denial about how bad she could really be until a temper tantrum hit full force, like a hurricane. I take full responsibility for passing on the temper trait; I've always been short tempered, sometimes pouty when I don't get my way.

Bella likes to claim that Nessie gets the temper from her, and she gets the whiny thing from me. Everyone disagrees. Bella can get pissed, but never angry. Still, there was that time she broke her hand…punching Jake. I bit my lip at the vivid memory. It was funny and so _not_ funny at the same time. Funny, because that was typical Bella, acting before thinking and physically inept at seriously injuring anyone but herself. The circumstances with which she acted upon took all comical trace out of the moment, however.

_The past is the past_, I reminded myself as I felt the low growl rumble at the base of my throat. I swallowed it down at the last moment before it passed my lips.

Jasper was still holding Nessie when they returned from the kitchen. Her top lip was slightly rosier than normal, almost too imperceptible to see with human eyes, so I figured he must have fixed her Kool-Aid or some of the Tropicana Fruit Punch that she liked every once in a while.

It was relatively quiet for a little while as I shifted into a random piece that I somehow recognized as "Jar of Hearts". I definitely needed to stop that one or I really _would_ start brooding. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Nessie sitting cross-legged in the middle of the plush carpet holding her favorite pink cashmere blanket that went virtually everywhere with her. It had been a present from Bella and I after the Volturi had left to show how proud of her we were. She had gasped with delight at the luxurious feel of it, the beautiful color, and most of all the delicate gold stitching in one of the corners that spelled her name.

_It's a good thing I've had decades to perfect the art of caring for cashmere_, Alice thought to herself as she eyed Renesmee admiringly from Jasper's lap. I could tell I wasn't part of this internal monologue. _Definitely loves that little blanket like it's her binky…strange that she's never wanted one of those, now that I think about it. Hm. She looks positively precious today; definitely my niece. _Alice's proud thoughts wandered off towards clothes she was stockpiling for Nessie and the scrap book. I had to admit watching her get all dressed up and put on a show for everyone was quite adorable.

My fingers flitted over the keys as I played out a song from the _Pride and Prejudice_ soundtrack, the one with Kiera Knightley. I had always known it was one of Bella's favorite movies (and books), and I saw her smile happily at me as she recognized the tune. I grinned back and continued playing, focused on entertaining Bella now.

"God da-" Emmett began until five (Rose was still upstairs cleaning up) sharp pairs of golden eyes cut him off. "-rrn it," he finished smoothly.

Everyone swore we ought to find some way to keep a piece of duct tape over Emmett's mouth for just one day. We were still working on it. Apparently, though, he had just lost the level and was retiring COD for the day. Nessie had been so totally engaged in his combat game that she knew exactly what it meant when he chose the quit option.

"Mario!" she squealed. I nearly jumped out of my skin at her shouts. She was always energetic, but this was really getting ridiculous. "Mario, Uncle Emmett!"

She literally bounded over to her bulky uncle and stood in his lap, jumping up and down like he was a mini trampoline. Emmett caught her hands to steady her slightly, laughing as she continued to jump.

Bella and I, however, were not so lenient.

"Renesmee," we scolded in unison. Bella, who had since switched feet and head, had barely whipped her feet away fast enough from Emmett's lap to avoid getting stepped on or tripping Nessie.

Uncle and niece both ignored us and Emmett stood, bringing an upside-down Nessie with him as he went to change the game disks. Emmett loved having a durable niece, and although he was never rough with her, he was never as gentle as the rest of the family. That was just Emmett, though, and everyone knew he would never do anything that could even come close to hurting her.

I gave up on the piano and closed the hood that protected the keys from dust and, lately, my daughter. I eyed the pair with interest, trying to keep my thoughts away from Nessie's. She found it highly annoying that I already knew everything she wanted to show me herself, so in order to avoid false enthusiasm about something I had already learned, I had been practicing avoiding her thoughts. It was fairly difficult, because I could read her mind incredibly easily even from miles and miles away. Carlisle had concluded that it was because she was so genetically close to me, because she was a part of me, and that strengthened the connection. I couldn't say I disapproved of that theory; it still amazes me that I helped create a life, much less such a beautiful one.

Nessie wiggled in Emmett's big arms and cried, "Down, down!" Emmett sat her on her feet at once, afraid he might have squeezed a bit too hard, but she just kept going as soon as she was on solid ground. "Watch, Uncle Emmett! I have a new trick!"

She then did a flawless cartwheel. Emmett gasped enthusiastically and clapped for her. "Good job, Ness!" He held out his enormous hand and she slapped it as hard as she could.

Nessie giggled loudly as Emmett pretended to have a hurt hand, rubbing it tenderly. She usually would offer to kiss it better or give an apologetic hug, but not today. She had started out the day with her usual amount of two-year-old energy, which was manageable, but her liveliness was growing by the minute, it seemed. The whole thing was very odd, if you asked me. As Renesmee continued to cartwheel her way around the room, I scanned the faces of my family, noting their thoughts and expressions to see if they noticed what I had.

Bella I couldn't hear.

_She's gonna be so fun when she gets bigger, _Emmett thought. _Maybe I'll have a little more competition in baseball other than Edward. _I grinned.

_So precious, _Esme sighed_. A little more rambunctious than normal today, but still…_

For once, Alice wasn't thinking anything, nor was she concerned with the future. She was just sitting happily in Jasper's lap, humming the song I had last played contentedly.

Jasper was also rather silent. He stroked Alice's jean-clad thigh lightly as he intently studied the recently taken family portrait over the mantle. He had a suspicious expression on his face, as if he was concentrating on keeping his thoughts to himself. I glanced at Nessie, then eyed him curiously "Jazz, wha – "

My words were cut off by a flat-out scream. My natural instinct as a father was to rush to my daughter's side to see what had harmed her. Said daughter, however, was currently running opposite me towards the door where Jake had just walked through.

"Jake Jake Jake Jake Jake Jake!" she shrieked, racing into his warm, muscular arms. If I hadn't been so disturbed myself, I might have laughed at Jacob's startled expression as he instinctively cradled Nessie in his arms.

Jacob chuckled and pressed a few kisses into her hair. "Nice to see you too, kid." _What the hell? Did she drink hyena blood or something?_

I actually grinned. But then I thought for a moment. What _had_ she drunk earlier in the kitchen? Jasper looked mighty suspicious. I would even go so far as to say guilty. My attention reverted to Jake and Nessie for a moment. Nessie bounced in his arms giddily, showing him a picture of her newfound trick.

When the picture was finished and he had thoroughly congratulated her, Nessie still just bounced in his arms, repeating his name excitedly over and over again through continuous fits of unstoppable giggles. Jacob finally held her at arm's length above his head, and she still giggled, sticking her arms out like an airplane.

"What in the world is the matter with you, little girl?" he asked playfully, tilting her from side to side.

"I have wings!" she explained ecstatically. "Wings wings wings wings wings…"

I flitted to Jacob's side. "You have wings, sweetheart? What do you mean?" I actually allowed myself into her mind, but she just imagined her arms with feathers attached to them. Surely this was just some kind of childish make-believe. Surely my little girl wasn't going insane.

Jacob wasn't nearly as concerned about this as me. He just helped her by making little zooming noises and swaying her through the air.

"Uncle Jazz told me I have wings, Daddy!"

"Jasper?" I repeated slowly, rounding on my older brother. He sheepishly hid his face behind Alice's shoulder. "What would possess you to convince my daughter that she has wings?"

Jasper brought his face out of hiding and stared at me guiltily. "She wanted something to drink, so I went to the fridge, and it's not like there's a lot of choice; there was only water and…"

His soft southern lilt trailed off, and his mind gave no further clues. Frustrated, I turned to the rest of my family to see if they had any idea. No one else ever stepped foot in the kitchen, so it wasn't like they really knew the contents of our refrigerator. Finally, I heard laughter. Not in the room, but in Jacob's mind. I rounded on him in an instant. He was now clutching a happy Nessie to his side, his lower lip between his teeth to stop the laughter from leaving his thoughts. "Do _you_ know why she believes she has wings?" I snatched Nessie from his arms, as if having her in my own would make her all better.

"Well," Jacob began, his face in a full grin now, "I took the liberty of stocking the fridge with some refreshments for myself. I'm over here more often than not, and I have long days…"

My mind instantly clicked. I spun on my heels to face Jasper, where he was once again cowering behind Alice again only partly in mock-fear. She nudged her shoulder out of the way. "Sorry, Jazz, you're on your own now."

"You gave her a _Red Bull_?" I asked incredulously.

I instantly wished I hadn't.

A sharp, loud, _ecstatic_ scream went directly to my eardrum, followed quickly by a shout of "Red Bull!"

Bella rushed to my side. "Good lord, child of mine! No more screaming," she reprimanded, taking our little bundle of joy out of my arms and rocking her slightly in her own. I could tell she was highly amused, nonetheless.

"What on earth would possess you to give my daughter an energy drink?" I questioned. "She's just a baby, for starters!"

Jasper shrugged, but he still had the decency to look guilty. "Come on, Edward, she's not your typical baby. I didn't know she would react to it like that. Her diet is mostly blood, and the only other human food she's ever had is baby formula and juice." He looked at Bella and Nessie, who was still chanting "_wings_ _wings wings wings" _but in her "inside voice" now. "And how do you say no to that? Don't tell me how, because I know you've never done it."

He had me there. No one had ever said "no" to my daughter. _Spoiled_, I thought to myself with a sigh and a sheepish grin.

I ultimately forgave Jasper for his lapse of judgment and turned to face my daughter. I took a deep breath. Telling Nessie that she really didn't have wings would be like telling her that she _couldn't_ have them. And then she would cry, and I would feel guilty.

Jacob, as usual, seemed to sense my inner battle with myself. He looked at me and rolled his eyes, snatching Nessie back to his arms. "Now look, Nessie," he said with a look of utmost seriousness. "What Uncle Jazz forgot to tell you was that Red Bull only gives you wings for one day. They'll be gone tomorrow, _pouf_," he snapped his fingers, "just like that."

"Pouf?" she questioned sadly, stroking his neck, and I could see his fingers snapping in his mind.

"Pouf," he assured with equal remorse. A grin lit up his face. "But for now," he lifted my daughter above his head again. "Let's enjoy those wings while we still have them."

I sighed, relieved, when Nessie's shouts were accompanied by airplane noises as Jacob ran carefully around the impeccable room. Due to his imprint, he just naturally knew what to do and say to her when we were all doubtful. The next time our eyes met I mouthed a legitimate, "Thank you."

_No problem. Anything to make her happy, remember? _I smiled. _Oh, and by the way, I've been awake for thirty six hours, and a certain someone has apparently already drunk my last resort. It's your turn next, Daddy._

I chuckled and nodded, taking mercy on Jacob now as I scooped Nessie into my own hands, racing with her at top speed around the lower floor of the house. Renesmee Cullen would most definitely never have wings again.


End file.
